Live-Large

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the progenitor of the concept of flow and author of a book by the same name, discovered that there are eight common components in every flow state.

The experience should allow a person to fully concentrate on the task. There should be clear goals to the effort, and the person should receive immediate feedback on the outcome of the experience. The task should be challenging but within the person’s ability to be successful while offering the individual a sense of control over one’s actions. Given all of this, the person should lose awareness of worries and frustrations; the person should also lose concern for self (though gain a stronger sense of self after the task is complete, and (given a true flow state) the resulting experience should alter the person’s sense of time (often by having time fly by—though slowing can also occur)[1].

Csikszentmihalyi has seen flow occur in people’s lives in nearly every facet of their experience. In fact, he sees few realities of the human experience where flow can’t occur.

How might you utilize the components of flow in your life? How can you make the evening commute home a flow activity? How can you make getting your children ready for bed a flow activity?

Here’s your challenge for the next week:

~When you’re at work this week, find a way of pushing the limit of your skills in some aspect of your performance.

~Set a goal for your free time that will absorb your entire attention. I recently painted my bathroom. It took all of my attention and effort to paint as perfectly as I could. The outcome was, if I may say so, wonderful. The bathroom looks great, and I have a sense of accomplishment.

~Find immediate feedback by hosting a party at your house. Invite a group of your friends over for a holiday get-together this weekend. Think of all that needs to be done before the party begins: shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. Once the party starts, you’ll receive immediate feedback on your efforts by how much fun your friends are having.

~Dust off an old hobby. What activity do you find absolutely engrossing? My son recently bought a puzzle. While I don’t like fifty-thousand puzzle pieces littering the floor, I do see him ardently working on the puzzle. He’s obviously enjoying his time.

Every day offers all of us perhaps the most valuable gift we will ever receive: time. Take the time and use it for all it’s worth (which, in the end, is exactly what living large is all about!). Don’t allow time to slip through your hands as you putter along in sleep mode.

Take the opportunity to do something distinctive, something engrossing. Imagine how much more enjoyable your life would be if you used your creativity and looked for ways to implement the eight components of flow in every activity.

Live Large!

Resources:

1. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper Perennial. New York.

Photo by: René Ehrhardt

The power of positive thought?—phooey! Try the power of action!

I want to loose thirty pounds (forty would be great). If I concentrate every moment of every day, aligning my energy to see myself as thin but I go out and eat an entire 16” pizza for dinner, calories will not vanish in accordance to my positive thoughts.

The true power of positive thoughts lies only in your mind’s ability to lead you to act in specific ways that correspond with your deeply held desires.

Action is the key to realizing goals, such as my desire to write.

I must take my desire to be a writer and put words to paper. If I don’t write, I am no closer to my goal.

Think about the power of action.

Action is a simple word. It means that you must do something. Align your actions with your goals, and you will make progress toward your aspirations.

Many people are astounded by feats of great achievement, but it is important to remember that great achievement only comes through concentrated action.

The point is that doing the work leads to results.

As I’ve said to my son more than once, “A quarter in one hand and a wish in another won’t buy you a soda.”

Try this:

1) Think about what you want.
2) Figure out how to make it happen.
3) DO IT!
4) If you don’t get what you want, adjust your actions to adjust the results.
5) Keep at it until you can…
6) Enjoy your just reward…☺!

This may seem simplistic, but it is the key to achieving your goal. Get off your duff and act!

Live Large!

Photo by: *sean

The pursuit of living large is very much linked with the pursuit of happiness, of living life to its fullest. One suggestion of how to live life to its fullest was made by Dr. Michael Fordyce in The Psychology of Happiness when he recommended that people create a master list of fun[1].

Take a moment to do a quick mental scan of the activities you really enjoy, the things you really have fun doing.

If I were to think about my list of fun, it would include scuba diving, writing creatively, driving my motorcycle (when I’m not riding it to and from work), eating at a really nice restaurant with my wife or with friends. I could probably go on for a good while.

Dr. Fordyce’s goes on to state that happy people fill their lives with as many of these fun activities as possible. They are constantly thinking about and striving to live a life full of fun, which then leads to their living happier lives.

One might imagine, however, that there would come a point when a fun activity loses its luster. Say, for example, riding my motorcycle.

When I ride my motorcycle through a particularly scenic route when I have nowhere in particular to be, I can get lost in moment of man and machine. I have a ball. Take the same activity but put me in the middle of rush hour after a long day of work, and that fun activity is just a means of transportation.

Take, as another example, sitting down and watching a good movie, which happens to be an item on my wife’s fun list. The first movie seems to be a decadent little treat, an escape from the daily grind, but, if she were to sit through five movies in a weekend, not only would her backside be squawking but so too would her conscience. Work needs to be done, and what was an enjoyable activity becomes a waste of valuable time.

Seen from this perspective, the fun list is best varied and taken in moderation.

Another dynamic of the fun list is the cost associated with having fun. I truly enjoy scuba diving. While I was in Nebraska (amazingly), I could dive often and for little money, but, since coming to Arizona, I have yet to dive, even though the ocean is less than a day’s drive away. My “fun” activity has become too expensive to enjoy on any regular basis. I have to pick and choose when I can reasonably dive.

How can you do the items on your fun list while keeping to a budget (which is a larger question when considering the entire philosophy of living large)?

This is a concept that I’ll look at in the near future, but it is important that the basic idea of the fun list is still valid: if you partake in more activities on your fun list, you will live large more often.

Here are some ideas to make that happen:

~Create a master list of fun: Fill it with every conceivable enjoyable activity that you can think of—the more the better. Fill it with big productions and small five minute activities. Fill it with costly activities that you might be able to do once a year and free activities that you can do weekly or even daily.

~Vary the activities that you choose from the list: Don’t overdo any one particular activity. Variety is the spice of life. Review your list regularly and chose activities that strike you as novel or interesting. Look to do activities that you haven’t done in awhile. Challenge yourself not to repeat any one item in a week or a month.

~Budget for your fun: If you have some items on your fun list that might break the bank or send you into deep debt if you did them too often, don’t cross them off your list as being impractical. Put yourself on a budget and stash a small amount of money into a savings account at regular intervals. When you have enough in the account to take part in that fun activity, live it up (and take lots of pictures)!

~Share your list: Do you have any fun activities in common with those close to you or with those who you work with? If so, plan activities with your friends and family. If you all have camping on your list, take a group camping trip. You might also find that others around you share similar interests, which creates a bond between you that will lead to a friendship or that might lead to a closer friendship than you have already.

~Research the items on your list: I firmly believe that adventure begins in the mind. If you have a desire to travel, research some great travel adventures that you might be able to take. I’ve often thought of walking from Alaska to Cape Horn (if you don’t know where that is, look it up). Doing so is obviously not possible in one sitting—or perhaps in a lifetime, but that doesn’t stop me from looking up routes, researching folks who have driven the course, reading about the climate in the areas that I’d be walking through, etc. I have done some of that, and I’ve enjoyed every minute.

~Have fun with your master fun list: Play with the concept. Add to your list. Have great fun checking off an experience that you’d consider a once in a lifetime activity, or have as much fun putting hash marks by the items you can do regularly. The point behind the master list of fun is…to have fun. Be imaginative. Be playful.

My hope for you is that you take the time today (or soon) to actually sit down and create your list. Then I hope that you set about using it.
Live Large!

[1] The Psychology of Happiness: A Brief Version of the Fourteen Fundamentals. www.gethappy.net

Photo by: truello

Okay, so I was in a pretty foul mood this last Sunday. It seemed that everything was conspiring to tick me off. Ever have one of those days?

I felt like a big hypocrite, given the focus of Live-Large. Then again, into every life a little rain must fall. It is what we do with that rain (which came to me in the form of a foul mood) that’s important.

In my search for ways to live a happier life, I have learned coping mechanisms to reject the rancor that occasionally sours my mood, but none of them were working for me that day.

Some time after the fact, I looked back at my dark mood and tried to figure out what got me upset and what contributed to keeping me there.

~I couldn’t find space: I couldn’t find the space to allow the anger out and the calmness in. I felt barraged by lunacy on every corner (from bad drivers to my kids—who seemed determined to cause mischief).

~Mounting frustration: Since recently moving to Tucson, my wife and I have spent time trying to reestablish our lives. Things that we’d taken for granted in our last home (such as who to see for a hair cut or which church to attend) are just not working out here. I know that this takes time, but it’s occasionally frustrating. As we struggle with these issues, the frustration that I feel can catapult me into a bad mood, as was the case this last Sunday.

~Exhaustion: I painted my bathroom over the weekend. Actually, I’ve been working on that bathroom for a week, and it still isn’t done. The work is highly detailed and backbreaking. With my energy levels low and my pain levels high, I had a small window by which to operate without losing my temper. I was simply tired and needed a rest.

Once I was in my bad mood, I realized it right away. I could feel my jaw get tight and my face become flushed with my emotion. I also knew that the work of getting myself out of the bad mood rested squarely on my shoulders.

“I can do this,” I said to myself. “You know how to get out of a bad mood.” And I do…intellectually, but changing one’s state of mind is not always easy. In fact, it could be among the most difficult tasks a person sets about doing, but what’s the alternative…remain miserable?

When I finally got some space, both physically and mentally, I was able to begin decompressing. When I was able to sit down and rest, not only was I able to regain some energy but my resiliency to irritants also increased. The final piece, that of reestablishing the routines of my life, is going to be more difficult, but I know that I need to push through the occasional bouts of aggravation to find the peace of mind on the other side of that effort.

When faced with situations like mine, don’t kick yourself for how you feel. It’s important to accept that you can’t be happy all the time, yet it’s equally important to learn how to reject the anger and irritation so that you can reclaim your happiness and peace.

Live large!

Image by: Dan4th

I’ve been married for fifteen years, and, while that may not sound like a lot to some of you, to me, it’s an achievement.

Before I was married, I thought I knew what it meant to be in a dedicated relationship, but nothing truly prepares a person for a lifetime commitment.

I often thank my lucky stars for finding a woman who is as intent on making our marriage last as I am. Over fifteen years of marriage, if we’ve learned nothing else, we’ve learned that it takes two to tango. Both partners have be committed to putting in the hard work to make the love last.

Without constant nurturing, even the most ardent love begins to fade. Since we all need a reminder or two about how to help keep the heartstrings humming, here are just a few helpful hints:

Go on date nights~ Set some time aside to reconnect with your partner. Take a night off from the kids, and find a place to be alone with the person you love.

Show your appreciation~ Those closest to us are the easiest to neglect, but everyone needs to be appreciated. Focus on appreciating your partner. The next time she does something nice for you, say thank you. How can you make her life just a bit easier? The next time you think something nice about her, share it!

Ask for what you need~ Let’s face it, sometimes he can be less than forthcoming with something you may need, whether that’s affection or simply some quality time. If you need something from him, ask! Don’t wait until you’re hurt and angry to lash out for the lack of attention.

Say “I love you”~ When was the last time you told your partner that you love her? I hope it was today. If it wasn’t, when you first see her tonight, don’t do anything else before you’ve given her a hug and told her how much you love her. Doesn’t it feel nice when you receive the same attention? Reminding people that they are loved is a great affirmation!

Focus on the good stuff~ Can you list ten things you adore about your spouse? Is she funny or light hearted? Is she a good parent? Is there something special that you love about her? What made you fall in love with her in the first place? Make it a habit to focus on the good stuff.

Being in a loving relationship takes hard work. It takes effort to meet the needs of another person and courage to ask for your needs to be met. Though relationships take sacrifice and energy, the choice is clear: work hard and be happy or let things slide and be miserable. Which would you choose?

Now, I’d like to hear from you. What do you do to increase the love you have your for your partner?

Photo by: Hamed Masoumi