Live-Large

The pursuit of living large is very much linked with the pursuit of happiness, of living life to its fullest. One suggestion of how to live life to its fullest was made by Dr. Michael Fordyce in The Psychology of Happiness when he recommended that people create a master list of fun[1].

Take a moment to do a quick mental scan of the activities you really enjoy, the things you really have fun doing.

If I were to think about my list of fun, it would include scuba diving, writing creatively, driving my motorcycle (when I’m not riding it to and from work), eating at a really nice restaurant with my wife or with friends. I could probably go on for a good while.

Dr. Fordyce’s goes on to state that happy people fill their lives with as many of these fun activities as possible. They are constantly thinking about and striving to live a life full of fun, which then leads to their living happier lives.

One might imagine, however, that there would come a point when a fun activity loses its luster. Say, for example, riding my motorcycle.

When I ride my motorcycle through a particularly scenic route when I have nowhere in particular to be, I can get lost in moment of man and machine. I have a ball. Take the same activity but put me in the middle of rush hour after a long day of work, and that fun activity is just a means of transportation.

Take, as another example, sitting down and watching a good movie, which happens to be an item on my wife’s fun list. The first movie seems to be a decadent little treat, an escape from the daily grind, but, if she were to sit through five movies in a weekend, not only would her backside be squawking but so too would her conscience. Work needs to be done, and what was an enjoyable activity becomes a waste of valuable time.

Seen from this perspective, the fun list is best varied and taken in moderation.

Another dynamic of the fun list is the cost associated with having fun. I truly enjoy scuba diving. While I was in Nebraska (amazingly), I could dive often and for little money, but, since coming to Arizona, I have yet to dive, even though the ocean is less than a day’s drive away. My “fun” activity has become too expensive to enjoy on any regular basis. I have to pick and choose when I can reasonably dive.

How can you do the items on your fun list while keeping to a budget (which is a larger question when considering the entire philosophy of living large)?

This is a concept that I’ll look at in the near future, but it is important that the basic idea of the fun list is still valid: if you partake in more activities on your fun list, you will live large more often.

Here are some ideas to make that happen:

~Create a master list of fun: Fill it with every conceivable enjoyable activity that you can think of—the more the better. Fill it with big productions and small five minute activities. Fill it with costly activities that you might be able to do once a year and free activities that you can do weekly or even daily.

~Vary the activities that you choose from the list: Don’t overdo any one particular activity. Variety is the spice of life. Review your list regularly and chose activities that strike you as novel or interesting. Look to do activities that you haven’t done in awhile. Challenge yourself not to repeat any one item in a week or a month.

~Budget for your fun: If you have some items on your fun list that might break the bank or send you into deep debt if you did them too often, don’t cross them off your list as being impractical. Put yourself on a budget and stash a small amount of money into a savings account at regular intervals. When you have enough in the account to take part in that fun activity, live it up (and take lots of pictures)!

~Share your list: Do you have any fun activities in common with those close to you or with those who you work with? If so, plan activities with your friends and family. If you all have camping on your list, take a group camping trip. You might also find that others around you share similar interests, which creates a bond between you that will lead to a friendship or that might lead to a closer friendship than you have already.

~Research the items on your list: I firmly believe that adventure begins in the mind. If you have a desire to travel, research some great travel adventures that you might be able to take. I’ve often thought of walking from Alaska to Cape Horn (if you don’t know where that is, look it up). Doing so is obviously not possible in one sitting—or perhaps in a lifetime, but that doesn’t stop me from looking up routes, researching folks who have driven the course, reading about the climate in the areas that I’d be walking through, etc. I have done some of that, and I’ve enjoyed every minute.

~Have fun with your master fun list: Play with the concept. Add to your list. Have great fun checking off an experience that you’d consider a once in a lifetime activity, or have as much fun putting hash marks by the items you can do regularly. The point behind the master list of fun is…to have fun. Be imaginative. Be playful.

My hope for you is that you take the time today (or soon) to actually sit down and create your list. Then I hope that you set about using it.
Live Large!

[1] The Psychology of Happiness: A Brief Version of the Fourteen Fundamentals. www.gethappy.net

Photo by: truello

Okay, so I was in a pretty foul mood this last Sunday. It seemed that everything was conspiring to tick me off. Ever have one of those days?

I felt like a big hypocrite, given the focus of Live-Large. Then again, into every life a little rain must fall. It is what we do with that rain (which came to me in the form of a foul mood) that’s important.

In my search for ways to live a happier life, I have learned coping mechanisms to reject the rancor that occasionally sours my mood, but none of them were working for me that day.

Some time after the fact, I looked back at my dark mood and tried to figure out what got me upset and what contributed to keeping me there.

~I couldn’t find space: I couldn’t find the space to allow the anger out and the calmness in. I felt barraged by lunacy on every corner (from bad drivers to my kids—who seemed determined to cause mischief).

~Mounting frustration: Since recently moving to Tucson, my wife and I have spent time trying to reestablish our lives. Things that we’d taken for granted in our last home (such as who to see for a hair cut or which church to attend) are just not working out here. I know that this takes time, but it’s occasionally frustrating. As we struggle with these issues, the frustration that I feel can catapult me into a bad mood, as was the case this last Sunday.

~Exhaustion: I painted my bathroom over the weekend. Actually, I’ve been working on that bathroom for a week, and it still isn’t done. The work is highly detailed and backbreaking. With my energy levels low and my pain levels high, I had a small window by which to operate without losing my temper. I was simply tired and needed a rest.

Once I was in my bad mood, I realized it right away. I could feel my jaw get tight and my face become flushed with my emotion. I also knew that the work of getting myself out of the bad mood rested squarely on my shoulders.

“I can do this,” I said to myself. “You know how to get out of a bad mood.” And I do…intellectually, but changing one’s state of mind is not always easy. In fact, it could be among the most difficult tasks a person sets about doing, but what’s the alternative…remain miserable?

When I finally got some space, both physically and mentally, I was able to begin decompressing. When I was able to sit down and rest, not only was I able to regain some energy but my resiliency to irritants also increased. The final piece, that of reestablishing the routines of my life, is going to be more difficult, but I know that I need to push through the occasional bouts of aggravation to find the peace of mind on the other side of that effort.

When faced with situations like mine, don’t kick yourself for how you feel. It’s important to accept that you can’t be happy all the time, yet it’s equally important to learn how to reject the anger and irritation so that you can reclaim your happiness and peace.

Live large!

Image by: Dan4th

I’ve been married for fifteen years, and, while that may not sound like a lot to some of you, to me, it’s an achievement.

Before I was married, I thought I knew what it meant to be in a dedicated relationship, but nothing truly prepares a person for a lifetime commitment.

I often thank my lucky stars for finding a woman who is as intent on making our marriage last as I am. Over fifteen years of marriage, if we’ve learned nothing else, we’ve learned that it takes two to tango. Both partners have be committed to putting in the hard work to make the love last.

Without constant nurturing, even the most ardent love begins to fade. Since we all need a reminder or two about how to help keep the heartstrings humming, here are just a few helpful hints:

Go on date nights~ Set some time aside to reconnect with your partner. Take a night off from the kids, and find a place to be alone with the person you love.

Show your appreciation~ Those closest to us are the easiest to neglect, but everyone needs to be appreciated. Focus on appreciating your partner. The next time she does something nice for you, say thank you. How can you make her life just a bit easier? The next time you think something nice about her, share it!

Ask for what you need~ Let’s face it, sometimes he can be less than forthcoming with something you may need, whether that’s affection or simply some quality time. If you need something from him, ask! Don’t wait until you’re hurt and angry to lash out for the lack of attention.

Say “I love you”~ When was the last time you told your partner that you love her? I hope it was today. If it wasn’t, when you first see her tonight, don’t do anything else before you’ve given her a hug and told her how much you love her. Doesn’t it feel nice when you receive the same attention? Reminding people that they are loved is a great affirmation!

Focus on the good stuff~ Can you list ten things you adore about your spouse? Is she funny or light hearted? Is she a good parent? Is there something special that you love about her? What made you fall in love with her in the first place? Make it a habit to focus on the good stuff.

Being in a loving relationship takes hard work. It takes effort to meet the needs of another person and courage to ask for your needs to be met. Though relationships take sacrifice and energy, the choice is clear: work hard and be happy or let things slide and be miserable. Which would you choose?

Now, I’d like to hear from you. What do you do to increase the love you have your for your partner?

Photo by: Hamed Masoumi

One resource stated that 5 out of 10 people don’t say thank you when something nice has been done for them[1].

Five out of ten…half.

When was the last time that you bust your backside for another person? Did s/he take the time to say thank you? Was it said with enthusiasm? Could you tell that your efforts were truly appreciated?

If you weren’t thanked, did you feel as if your efforts had been taken for granted? How likely are you to jump up to help again?

Part of Living Large is being thankful for the good things that happen to you, being truly grateful when good things come your way.

Getting into the habit of thanking people for their kindness reminds us of just how many blessings we have in our lives.

Here are some ideas in the Gratitude Grab Bag:

~Practice giving gratitude: Here’s your task for the week—start simply. Thank everyone each time that they do something to make your life better or more pleasant.

~Say thank you with style! Don’t just say thank you; put some thought into how you show your gratitude. How about giving people a certificate for one favor done in return? Practice giving PDAs (Public Displays of Appreciation). Take a person to lunch as a sign of your gratitude; give a handmade thank you card; brag about their kindness at the water cooler; make a public announcement at the next staff meeting. Be creative (which only adds to the fun of being thankful).

~Thank people up the line and down the line: Can you think of any greater motivation for those you work with than to thank them for the hard work they’re doing? Pick out a particularly good effort that someone has put in lately and say, “Hey, I really appreciate how you did that! That was great work!” Then, sit back and watch that person’s spirit swell with pride and warm feelings. Thank your boss for the positive mentorship that s/he provided this week. Think of the positive emotional credit can you earn.

~Give back: What better way is there of saying thank you than returning the favor? If people have stepped up for you, step up for them. Return a person’s kindness with your time and effort. If you can’t repay the kindness right away, help someone else. Spread the wealth.

~Keep a positive balance in the gratitude bank: This is something that I learned from my mother. Whenever someone did something nice for her, she was quick to bake brownies or sugar cookies. She’d come bearing gifts along with a smile and a warm thank you. She’d spend a good deal of her own time to show people that she appreciated their work. Could you imagine how quickly people volunteered to help her the next time that she needed assistance? Okay, so you aren’t a baker, but how can you deposit gratitude in your bank with another person? Not only will people be more likely to help you in the future but also people will think great things about you (not to mention that you’ll think great things about yourself).

Let me hear it: What are some of your favorite ways of saying thank you?

Live Large!

Resources:

1. www.microsoft.com/smallbusiness/resources/marketing/customer-service-acquisition/the-power-of-saying-thank-you.aspx#Thepowerofsayingthankyou

Photo by: Lachlan Hardy

When my grandfather died, my Uncle Ted made a simple but profound statement of my grandfather’s life: “Dad died having played all of his cards.”

Wow! How many people can have that said about them? More importantly, how did it happen?

Perhaps the simplest answer is that he had a vision of what a well-lived life would look like, and then he set about making it happen.

What do I mean by a vision of a well-lived life?

Here are some examples:

~Live a value-based life: My grandfather had very clear values. He knew what was important to him, and he kept those things central in his life. Love, family, dignity—simple words but they were absolutely central to his life. Find what’s valuable to you and make it the focus of your existence (i.e. spend your time, energy, and effort toward these things).

~Have a short list of wants: This is perhaps the most challenging to people in our society. My grandfather lived simply. He learned an early lesson of not wanting things; rather, they wanted a quality of life: happiness, a loving family, health, opportunities to have special memories with those they loved. The fancy car in the driveway, the vacation home, the expensive club membership did nothing for him. A barbeque at home with his children and grandchildren, a simple road trip to the Grand Canyon in a tent meant the world.

~Know what you want to experience in life: My grandfather loved traveling and seeing the world. He also had an insatiable curiosity of the world around him. He knew what he wanted to experience in his life. He took his time, saved his money, and pursued his goals with tenacity. If you know what you want to experience, it is easier to make plans to make it happen.

~Strive to do and be your best: My grandfather was a math teacher and farmer. These are not the glamorous jobs that offer six-figure salaries (typically), but he loved his work. He felt that he was needed. The position matters less than how you approach your work and your life. If you strive to do your level best every day, if you look to push your skills and continue to grow in your profession and as a person, you will be someone of distinction because pushing hard to do your best is an uncommon quality. If you work hard and do your best, you’ll be able to live with pride in your work and live with a sense that you gave it all that you had. A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.

~Always look on the bright side of life: Life is going to have its troubles. Guaranteed! You can either dwell on how life has handed you rotten apples, or you can focus on your blessings. My grandfather was a dedicated optimist. This takes more effort than one believes. It is easy to be negative and hard to be optimistic. You have to actually train your mind how to look for the good in every situation. It takes discipline not to allow negativity to swamp your perspective.

Probably the most important lesson my grandfather taught me was that life is a choice. You can live it small or live it large. You only have one life, so why spend it unhappy?

I’d love to hear from you! What have you witnessed from those who’ve lived a life well led.

Live Large!