Live-Large

This may sound strange, but downtime can lead to “down” time (down, here, meaning depressed).

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, in his book Flow, discusses how an inactive mind often fills itself negative thoughts, what he terms “psychic entropy.” In an effort to ward of negative thoughts and feelings, people tend to occupy their minds with something, anything, to keep their attention from these unpleasant notions.

Csikszentmihalyi notes that most people (specifically Americans) occupy a substantial amount of their leisure time with watching the television (according to a Nielson study in 2006, the average American watched 4.5 hours of TV a day[1]) , which, according to Csikszentmihalyi, does little for the human psyche—as there is no challenge or reward in the passive activity of the mind (essentially the mind is in neutral). The reward in watching television comes in people’s ability to expend minimal effort while being able to keep their negative thoughts from creeping into the mind.

What might be an alternative?

Keep busy.

There are those who would disagree. Many people might think, for example, that we Americans are often too busy already. We spend forty plus hours at work and then fill our lives driving our children to piano lessons, soccer practice, play dates, etc.

I am such a parent (actually, my wife is). The resulting frenetic action leaves both of us exhausted. By Friday night, we’re dragging from so much activity that it takes both days of the weekend just to be physically/mentally able to return to work.

Yet some psychologists have linked being active with being happy[2], and, as the adage goes, “idle hands are the Devil’s tools,” so, in short, bumming around may sound like a dream for an exhausted mother, but too much bumming around 1) frees a mind to consider negative thoughts and 2) may lead to depression and/or boredom (psychic entropy).

The trick, then, is to keep busy doing enjoyable activities—something you feel you want to do, not have to do.

Try a few of these:

~Pick-up or return to a hobby: If you have a choice between watching the fifteenth rerun of a Seinfeld episode or taking up woodworking, try woodworking. If you already have a hobby but haven’t done it in awhile, dust off your skills and get busy.

~Reconnect with friends: Spend time socializing with some good friends. Meet at a local eatery and spend a couple of hours catching up.

~Play a board game with your kids: Instead of driving all over town in a mad dash to fill your children’s lives with every conceivable pastime, spend the evening playing a board game. My wife and I recently bought the board game Clue®. We’ve had a wonderfully fun time of connecting with the kids.

~Volunteer for a favorite cause: How much joy would you bring into another person’s life (and your own) if you spent a couple hours of time giving of your energy and effort to bring ease and comfort to someone else? I have volunteered hundreds of hours to special causes over the years, and it feels great. Pick your favorite cause and show up. They’ll put you to work!

~Read a book: Any book. Csikszentmihalyi has studied the difference in how people feel while watching television and while reading a book[1]. Books bring far more pleasure than watching the television. Pick a favorite author or a book you’ve heard a friend mention lately.

Filling your life with enjoyable activity is going to bring a new dimension to your life. If you feel the doldrums settling in, “get out and blow the stink off,” as my sister says.

Live Large!

Sources:
1. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper Perennial. New York.
2. Fordyce, M. The psychology of happiness: A brief version of the fourteen fundamentals. Cypress Lake Media.

Photo by: flik

When my grandfather died, my Uncle Ted made a simple but profound statement of my grandfather’s life: “Dad died having played all of his cards.”

Wow! How many people can have that said about them? More importantly, how did it happen?

Perhaps the simplest answer is that he had a vision of what a well-lived life would look like, and then he set about making it happen.

What do I mean by a vision of a well-lived life?

Here are some examples:

~Live a value-based life: My grandfather had very clear values. He knew what was important to him, and he kept those things central in his life. Love, family, dignity—simple words but they were absolutely central to his life. Find what’s valuable to you and make it the focus of your existence (i.e. spend your time, energy, and effort toward these things).

~Have a short list of wants: This is perhaps the most challenging to people in our society. My grandfather lived simply. He learned an early lesson of not wanting things; rather, they wanted a quality of life: happiness, a loving family, health, opportunities to have special memories with those they loved. The fancy car in the driveway, the vacation home, the expensive club membership did nothing for him. A barbeque at home with his children and grandchildren, a simple road trip to the Grand Canyon in a tent meant the world.

~Know what you want to experience in life: My grandfather loved traveling and seeing the world. He also had an insatiable curiosity of the world around him. He knew what he wanted to experience in his life. He took his time, saved his money, and pursued his goals with tenacity. If you know what you want to experience, it is easier to make plans to make it happen.

~Strive to do and be your best: My grandfather was a math teacher and farmer. These are not the glamorous jobs that offer six-figure salaries (typically), but he loved his work. He felt that he was needed. The position matters less than how you approach your work and your life. If you strive to do your level best every day, if you look to push your skills and continue to grow in your profession and as a person, you will be someone of distinction because pushing hard to do your best is an uncommon quality. If you work hard and do your best, you’ll be able to live with pride in your work and live with a sense that you gave it all that you had. A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.

~Always look on the bright side of life: Life is going to have its troubles. Guaranteed! You can either dwell on how life has handed you rotten apples, or you can focus on your blessings. My grandfather was a dedicated optimist. This takes more effort than one believes. It is easy to be negative and hard to be optimistic. You have to actually train your mind how to look for the good in every situation. It takes discipline not to allow negativity to swamp your perspective.

Probably the most important lesson my grandfather taught me was that life is a choice. You can live it small or live it large. You only have one life, so why spend it unhappy?

I’d love to hear from you! What have you witnessed from those who’ve lived a life well led.

Live Large!

My wife is a teacher. She has a period at the beginning of the day called QT. She’s supposed to make a special effort to connect with her students in QT. The teachers buy treats for their students, celebrate birthdays, and generally build as strong of a relationship as is possible with each student.

QT (Quality Time, for those who need the acronym explained) is a wonderful concept, but what does this mean? How can the concept be used to Live Large?

QT seems, to me, to be an essential element of Live Large.

A very significant part of living large is living in the moment, of being present in whatever activity you’re engaged in at the time.

The essential definition of Quality Time is the act of giving 100% attention, focus, effort, and energy toward whomever you are with at the moment.

QT means setting aside dedicated time.

Here are some helpful hints about how to create true QT with those you care about.

~Make it a date: Pick a time and place and activity that you are going to have your QT, arrange this with whomever you’re spending your QT with, and follow through on your plans. Treat it as special as you did when you had your first date with your significant other.

~Turn off your cell phone…without fail, without excuse!

~Focus on the person you’re with: Don’t spend time talking about your work or about issues that have nothing to do with the people you’re with. Focus only on them.

~Do something you all enjoy: This may seem obvious, but make sure that you aren’t doing something that not everyone enjoys. The larger the group, the more difficult this will become.

~Make it special: There are occasions where you need to make it a point to do something with just that one person, whether it is a friend or one of your children. If the person you are with knows that this is a special outing where they get all of the attention, the boost to the relationship is significant.

~Leave yourself reminders: It is easy to get focused on other interests or get swamped with demands being placed on your time. If you are someone who forgets to spend that QT with your family or friends, put QT reminders on your calendar.

~Take advantage of spontaneity: My son and I love to play pool. We don’t often get the chance, but we occasionally find ourselves at a local pizza joint or other restaurant that might have a pool table. When you run into circumstances conducive to spontaneous QT, take the opportunity to make a special memory.

Living Large is about finding those moments in each day that are special and unique. It is about savoring these moments as much if not more than the rare occasions where something out-of-this-world-great happens. Living Large is about looking for the joy that can be captured in every day.
Intentionally planning true QT is one of the paths to Living Large. Take the time; the benefits will astound you.

Live Large!

Photo by kretyen

Following up on the article The Power of a Hug, now it’s time to learn about how to get a hug. Try some of these techniques over the next week. See how they work.

~Spread your arms wide and say “Ahhhhh,” as you approach.

~Announce that you really need a hug. If the people around you are at all kind, they’ll give you one.

~Pounce on someone you know won’t file a complaint of sexual harassment and give that person a quick hug.

~Ask the intended hugee if you could give them a hug.

Give it a try and see how it makes you feel, and come back and let us know how it went.

Note: Always hug responsibly, but don’t worry about the moderation.

Photo credit: www.flickr.com/photos/geekette/212455285/