Live-Large

We’re all busy people. Most adults work forty plus hours a week. If you consider the time that it takes to commute to work and back, the time it takes to get ready for the day, etc., most people are left with two or three hours a day that can be spent connecting with the family.

Let’s face it. Our children live a lot of their lives without us. They’re either watching television, playing video games, talking with friends, or simply existing in another world.

Taking the time to connect with children takes time and energy, both of which are often in short supply. I know from first hand experience how drained I am at the end of a long day of work. My wife is usually worse off than I am, but there’s a silver lining to this cloud. As with all things worth doing, reconnecting with children takes time and effort, but bonding with your children does not need to be difficult.

Here are some simple ideas of how to add a little quality time into your family life.

Create a family night~ Children’s social, recreational, and extracurricular calendars are insanely busy these days. Children can be in soccer, piano lessons, dance, etc. These days it is not unheard of to have every night filled with some non-school activity. Stop the madness–at least for one night. Chose a night and jealously guard the time, making sure that you don’t allow any extracurricular activities to fall on that evening; dub the night “Family Night.”

Use the night to do an all-family activity. Play the games you have in the closet, play a game of cards, make their favorite dinner, watch a family movie (one that everyone can agree upon). Whatever you do, make sure everyone is there and involved in the same activity.

Find a common hobby~ Perhaps you enjoy stamp collecting, baseball card collecting, scrapbooking, or going out to the local airfield to watch the airplanes take off and land. Aim at spending one to two hours a week with your child or children engaged in a hobby that you both enjoy.

Become your child’s coach~ If your child is interested in baseball, become his coach. Coaches for younger children do not need a lot of previous experience in coaching. Speak with other coaches and find out how they became one. Learn the game and become a coach.

Play cards or a board game with them~ Some of my fondest memories as a child were playing Pitch with my mother and cousins. It was a simple card game, but I loved it! Spend half an hour after they finish their homework playing a game of cards with them.

Read a book to your child~ Not only does this increase your child’s cognitive gains, but it also gives them an opportunity to spend time with you. Find a book that you enjoy as well. Ask your children’s teachers what would be an appropriate set of books for your children, and select a few to read to them. Read a chapter a night to your child.

Go fishing, camping, or hiking~ The best part of fishing, camping, and hiking is that it takes the child away from the television or video games and turns their attention to the family. They have to spend time talking with you, and you have to spend time talking with them.

Go out to lunch with your child~ Once a month, chose a child to take out to lunch. It doesn’t have to be an expensive restaurant. Just take that one child to eat and take the time to talk with them. Don’t rush the meal.

Play catch~ Go out into the back yard and toss the ball around for 10-15 minutes. Talk while you’re playing.

Take a walk~ Take a walk around the neighborhood. Not only is it good exercise for everyone involved, but it’s also good time away from the television. The same principle works for riding a bike (as long as they ride with you).

Dedicate one weekend day to family time~ Weekends are a time to unwind. Often, adults crave the companionship of other adults. This may lead you to spending time away from your children. Keep in mind that your family is a priority. They will be with you for the rest of your life whereas your football buddy will not. Take that day to be with your children doing something that you both enjoy.

Spending time with your children need not involve an activity that you don’t enjoy. Find the common ground with your children. Do activities that you can find entertaining. Spend time learning how to talk with your children. Ask questions. Be interested and present for your children. If they can tell that you care about what they have to say, they will trust you and open up more each time. Having a good relationship takes effort. There will be difficulties throughout your relationship, but compromise and a dogged insistence that the relationship works will overcome most (if not all) difficulties. Your family is your most important connection to this world. Don’t take it for granted, or you just might find that you don’t have a family any more.

Photo by: Mike Baird

I’ve been married for fifteen years, and, while that may not sound like a lot to some of you, to me, it’s an achievement.

Before I was married, I thought I knew what it meant to be in a dedicated relationship, but nothing truly prepares a person for a lifetime commitment.

I often thank my lucky stars for finding a woman who is as intent on making our marriage last as I am. Over fifteen years of marriage, if we’ve learned nothing else, we’ve learned that it takes two to tango. Both partners have be committed to putting in the hard work to make the love last.

Without constant nurturing, even the most ardent love begins to fade. Since we all need a reminder or two about how to help keep the heartstrings humming, here are just a few helpful hints:

Go on date nights~ Set some time aside to reconnect with your partner. Take a night off from the kids, and find a place to be alone with the person you love.

Show your appreciation~ Those closest to us are the easiest to neglect, but everyone needs to be appreciated. Focus on appreciating your partner. The next time she does something nice for you, say thank you. How can you make her life just a bit easier? The next time you think something nice about her, share it!

Ask for what you need~ Let’s face it, sometimes he can be less than forthcoming with something you may need, whether that’s affection or simply some quality time. If you need something from him, ask! Don’t wait until you’re hurt and angry to lash out for the lack of attention.

Say “I love you”~ When was the last time you told your partner that you love her? I hope it was today. If it wasn’t, when you first see her tonight, don’t do anything else before you’ve given her a hug and told her how much you love her. Doesn’t it feel nice when you receive the same attention? Reminding people that they are loved is a great affirmation!

Focus on the good stuff~ Can you list ten things you adore about your spouse? Is she funny or light hearted? Is she a good parent? Is there something special that you love about her? What made you fall in love with her in the first place? Make it a habit to focus on the good stuff.

Being in a loving relationship takes hard work. It takes effort to meet the needs of another person and courage to ask for your needs to be met. Though relationships take sacrifice and energy, the choice is clear: work hard and be happy or let things slide and be miserable. Which would you choose?

Now, I’d like to hear from you. What do you do to increase the love you have your for your partner?

Photo by: Hamed Masoumi

At work, I am an infamous non-hugger. It’s gotten to the point that it is a big joke, and people try to steal hugs from me when I least expect it.

My wife heard this story during the last staff banquet we attended. She knows a very different side of me. I hug my family members regularly. I even hug my most reluctant pre-teen son. While I know he feels goopy when I do, he’ll remember that his father hugged him often. My wife expressed this to my coworkers, and they were shocked.

The difference between the two environments is obvious. I don’t hug at work because I’m not sure the contact is wanted, and I don’t want to come across as a pervert or a stalker, so I have a fairly business-like demeanor at work, but I like hugs. In fact I need hugs.

I would argue that hugs are essential to my well being.

After doing some research, I discovered some fascinating hug facts:

Hug for a healthy heart~ Hugging increases Oxytocin (a heart healthy hormone) and decreases the stress hormone Cortisol (the hormone that leads to high blood pressure and heart disease).

Hugs lead to a lowered heart rate~ Hugs also provide a calming effect. Those hugged are shown to have heartbeats five to ten beats slower per minute than those who are not hugging.

Hugs are good for blood pressure~ Hugging reduces blood pressure (good news for those with hypertension).

Full body hugs stimulate the nervous system~ Full body hugs have been shown to increase nervous system stimulation. This has been used as a physical therapy technique by some professionals.

Hugs release beneficial natural chemicals~ Who needs an artificial high when a hug has been shown to release dopamine—a natural “feel good” brain chemical.

In addition to the physiological benefits of hugs, hugs are purported to lessen loneliness, combat fear, increase self-esteem (Someone wants to hug me!), affirm relationships, diffuse tension, and convey appreciation.

My absolute favorite reason to give or receive a hug, however, is just because it makes me feel so good. I could have had the worst day, and a hug from my children is enough to dispel my anger, fear, or anxiety. The next time you’re down, try giving a hug.

Now, I want to hear from you. How many hugs do you get in a day? What kind of hugs are they? How do they make you feel? Whom do you hug and why?

Now, it’s time to practice. Pick your favorite kind of hug from the following list or try them all:

~The Butt-out Hug: This hug is given to people you don’t know very well. It conveys awkwardness, but it is still a hug.

~The Lift-and-twirl: The lifter needs to be strong enough to lift the liftee without causing significant harm to the back. This is a particularly vigorous hug that conveys excitement and/or passion.
~The Half-hug: This hug is similar to the butt-out hug. It also has many variations including the burping action of patting someone on the back.

~The Hip-hug: This hug is given by standing side-by-side and putting an arm around the other person and giving a squeeze.

~The Full-body Hug: This hug is given to those you feel particularly comfortable with. It is given face to face with both arms wrapped around the person—no burping, just a firm but comfortable squeeze.

What was the longest hug you’ve ever given to someone? (Note: prolonged hugging while seated or laying down is considered cuddling or spooning and, thus, is not a true hug.)

References:

Photo: www.flickr.com/photos/mrpattersonsir/272350122/

www.sixwise.com
www.associatedcontent.com
www.eqi.org