Live-Large

We’re all busy people. Most adults work forty plus hours a week. If you consider the time that it takes to commute to work and back, the time it takes to get ready for the day, etc., most people are left with two or three hours a day that can be spent connecting with the family.

Let’s face it. Our children live a lot of their lives without us. They’re either watching television, playing video games, talking with friends, or simply existing in another world.

Taking the time to connect with children takes time and energy, both of which are often in short supply. I know from first hand experience how drained I am at the end of a long day of work. My wife is usually worse off than I am, but there’s a silver lining to this cloud. As with all things worth doing, reconnecting with children takes time and effort, but bonding with your children does not need to be difficult.

Here are some simple ideas of how to add a little quality time into your family life.

Create a family night~ Children’s social, recreational, and extracurricular calendars are insanely busy these days. Children can be in soccer, piano lessons, dance, etc. These days it is not unheard of to have every night filled with some non-school activity. Stop the madness–at least for one night. Chose a night and jealously guard the time, making sure that you don’t allow any extracurricular activities to fall on that evening; dub the night “Family Night.”

Use the night to do an all-family activity. Play the games you have in the closet, play a game of cards, make their favorite dinner, watch a family movie (one that everyone can agree upon). Whatever you do, make sure everyone is there and involved in the same activity.

Find a common hobby~ Perhaps you enjoy stamp collecting, baseball card collecting, scrapbooking, or going out to the local airfield to watch the airplanes take off and land. Aim at spending one to two hours a week with your child or children engaged in a hobby that you both enjoy.

Become your child’s coach~ If your child is interested in baseball, become his coach. Coaches for younger children do not need a lot of previous experience in coaching. Speak with other coaches and find out how they became one. Learn the game and become a coach.

Play cards or a board game with them~ Some of my fondest memories as a child were playing Pitch with my mother and cousins. It was a simple card game, but I loved it! Spend half an hour after they finish their homework playing a game of cards with them.

Read a book to your child~ Not only does this increase your child’s cognitive gains, but it also gives them an opportunity to spend time with you. Find a book that you enjoy as well. Ask your children’s teachers what would be an appropriate set of books for your children, and select a few to read to them. Read a chapter a night to your child.

Go fishing, camping, or hiking~ The best part of fishing, camping, and hiking is that it takes the child away from the television or video games and turns their attention to the family. They have to spend time talking with you, and you have to spend time talking with them.

Go out to lunch with your child~ Once a month, chose a child to take out to lunch. It doesn’t have to be an expensive restaurant. Just take that one child to eat and take the time to talk with them. Don’t rush the meal.

Play catch~ Go out into the back yard and toss the ball around for 10-15 minutes. Talk while you’re playing.

Take a walk~ Take a walk around the neighborhood. Not only is it good exercise for everyone involved, but it’s also good time away from the television. The same principle works for riding a bike (as long as they ride with you).

Dedicate one weekend day to family time~ Weekends are a time to unwind. Often, adults crave the companionship of other adults. This may lead you to spending time away from your children. Keep in mind that your family is a priority. They will be with you for the rest of your life whereas your football buddy will not. Take that day to be with your children doing something that you both enjoy.

Spending time with your children need not involve an activity that you don’t enjoy. Find the common ground with your children. Do activities that you can find entertaining. Spend time learning how to talk with your children. Ask questions. Be interested and present for your children. If they can tell that you care about what they have to say, they will trust you and open up more each time. Having a good relationship takes effort. There will be difficulties throughout your relationship, but compromise and a dogged insistence that the relationship works will overcome most (if not all) difficulties. Your family is your most important connection to this world. Don’t take it for granted, or you just might find that you don’t have a family any more.

Photo by: Mike Baird

There has been a lot of talk going on about the power of positive thought, of aligning one’s thoughts with what one wants so that that the universe will impart riches and happiness in abundance.

I struggle with this notion partly out of the belief that people don’t really know what they want (as the saying goes, “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.”) and partly from the belief that action must accompany desire in order for any real progress to be made toward one’s goals.

Another significant concern I have with the power of positive thought is that it’s missing an important consideration. Rather than focusing on selfish wants, a person might be better served by considering what one has received.

While it’s true that into every life a little rain must fall, it is equally true that into every life a little sun must shine. In fact, what is initially seen as rain (misfortune) can, in reality, be sunshine (fortune). Take Christopher Reeves as an example.

The man was handsome, married to a wonderful woman, had a great career until…he was thrown from a horse and brought back from the brink death only to be paralyzed from the neck down.

For most, this accident would have been reason enough to slide into a deep depression, but, for Christopher, the accident became not a curse but an awakening. He went on to crusade for medical research on brainstem injuries. His stalwart, positive attitude and zest for life inspired millions.

For those who see the world from a negative perspective, however, even a blessing can be a curse.

I hate to admit it, but I had a negative attitude as I rolled into the winter holiday. In my profession, universities shut down over winter break, giving all employees several days (if not weeks) off from work.

I’d been at my new job at the University of Arizona for six months. I’d taken only one additional day off from work (other than the state recognized holidays), and that was spent taking care of my two daughters. I was getting a bit worn down. I needed a break.

On the cusp of getting a much needed break, I actually thought to myself, “It’s almost not worth having the time off for how quickly I’ll have to go back to work.” Crazy. I know. Here I had almost two weeks of downtime coming, and I was being pessimistic. Rather than relishing the time off, I was grumbling about it.

While this didn’t last long, it could have sapped the joy from my entire break. I know some folks who only got Christmas Day off. They went back to work the next day while I had time off of work. In fact, I know people who were laid off from work just before the holidays. At least I had a job to go back to.

My pessimistic perspective almost spoiled a blessing.

I know that we’re all human, that we’re all susceptible to negative thoughts and to indulging in self-pity, but being human doesn’t preclude people from learning how to be grateful.

In order to live large, we need to set ourselves to the task of learning the art of gratitude, but how can we do it? How can we all become more grateful?

Here are some ideas:

~Be conscious of your thoughts: Many thoughts can reside in our minds quite a while before we become fully consciously of them. I’d argue that most thoughts are not consciously dealt with but just pop into our heads willy-nilly and run amuck like an undisciplined two-year-old. Being aware of negative thoughts when they appear will allow a person to actively change that pessimism into gratitude.

~Scrub your mind of negativity: When a negative thought comes to mind, get rid of it. Think about something else—baseball, mom’s apple pie, anything but the negativity. Force the negativity from your mind. Even better, trace the thought back to its source and force that thought from your mind as well. Refuse to dwell on perceived losses.

~Count your blessings: We all have a portion of good in our lives. Recognize and celebrate your blessings. If you have your health, great! Count that as a blessing. If you have a loving family, great! Count that as a blessing. If you have nothing more than another chance to make a difference in this world, GREAT! Count that as a blessing.

~Meditate on gratitude: One of the things I most like about going to church is that it immediately triggers me to meditate on the many blessings in my life. As I quiet my mind, I’m able to see all the good that’s come to me in the last week. I’m not as good at making that meditative experience a daily habit, but, if I consciously set about meditating on what I’m grateful for throughout my daily life, seeing life from a grateful perspective would become a habit. Negativity would be shoved aside in favor of gratitude.

~Be around grateful people: People who are perpetually grateful are wonderful people to spend time with. They’re always happy. They always lift people’s moods. They’re just fun to be around. In contrast, those who are Debbie Downers sap energy, ruin moods, and make for crappy friends. Gravitate toward the grateful and ditch the downers.

The mere fact that you’re interested in living large is a great first step in the direction of living a grateful life. While changing from a negative personality to a grateful personality will take time an effort, the rewards will be amazing.

Live Large!

Photo by: CarbonNYC

Do you ever feel envious of people who climb the steps of Manchu Picchu or go whitewater rafting down the Nile River? It downright ticks me off! Why do they get all the fun? Why can’t that be my life?

The truth is that there is nothing special about the people who live adventurous lives. The only difference between adventurers and those who dream about adventurous lies in the doing. Adventures make their dreams of traveling and exploration come true.

How, then, can an average Joe become an adventurer?

Dream

This is the fun part. Ready?

~Sit down and take fifteen minutes to write down every adventure you’ve ever dreamt of.
~Don’t censor yourself. If an adventure pops into your head, it goes on the list!
~Don’t worry about logistics such as time, money, or effort. Now’s not the time.

Set Some Goals

This is where those who do and those who wish split ways. If you want to do rather than wish, try this:

~Choose an adventure from the list.
~Write the name of your adventure on a piece of paper. Make the lettering large and obnoxious.
~Pick a date for your journey and add it to that piece of paper.
~Post that note somewhere conspicuous.
~Find pictures representing your adventure (as many as you can find). Place them around your home as “reminders” of your goal.

Plan

~Research your adventure
Contact travel agencies. Research your adventure to get a sense of those who provide the services you’ll need such as transportation, lodging, food, etc. Talk with people who have been there. Publicly commit to your plan by telling everyone you know about your goals (nothing like a public declaration to prod you toward realizing your goal).

~Begin to plan for the logistics of the trip.
List every possible logistical consideration for the trip that you can think of. What do you need by way of budget, time away from work, someone to watch the children, transportation, gear, guides, safety precautions for the area?

~Make a plan
Assign “due dates” to every logistic you’ve considered (e.g. securing passports). Then plan times/dates to review your progress toward achieving your goals.

~Work your plan

If you’re going on an unusual trip or are blazing new ground, your planning will necessarily need to be more involved. If you are taking an Alaskan cruise, your planning may only require contacting a travel agent. Keep in mind, your adventure is just that: an adventure—an experience outside of your ordinary life, so you’ll be doing things that you’ve never done before. This may be challenging to you, but the pay off in the end is an experience that few others may have had and certainly one you’ve never had, so keep working.

There are a thousand variations on any adventure. What’s important is that you see yourself living the life you’ve only dreamt of. Set the goal of making it real and take the actions necessary to follow through on that goal.

Before you know it, you’ll be on your adventure.

Live Large!

Photo by: Mike

This may sound strange, but downtime can lead to “down” time (down, here, meaning depressed).

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, in his book Flow, discusses how an inactive mind often fills itself negative thoughts, what he terms “psychic entropy.” In an effort to ward of negative thoughts and feelings, people tend to occupy their minds with something, anything, to keep their attention from these unpleasant notions.

Csikszentmihalyi notes that most people (specifically Americans) occupy a substantial amount of their leisure time with watching the television (according to a Nielson study in 2006, the average American watched 4.5 hours of TV a day[1]) , which, according to Csikszentmihalyi, does little for the human psyche—as there is no challenge or reward in the passive activity of the mind (essentially the mind is in neutral). The reward in watching television comes in people’s ability to expend minimal effort while being able to keep their negative thoughts from creeping into the mind.

What might be an alternative?

Keep busy.

There are those who would disagree. Many people might think, for example, that we Americans are often too busy already. We spend forty plus hours at work and then fill our lives driving our children to piano lessons, soccer practice, play dates, etc.

I am such a parent (actually, my wife is). The resulting frenetic action leaves both of us exhausted. By Friday night, we’re dragging from so much activity that it takes both days of the weekend just to be physically/mentally able to return to work.

Yet some psychologists have linked being active with being happy[2], and, as the adage goes, “idle hands are the Devil’s tools,” so, in short, bumming around may sound like a dream for an exhausted mother, but too much bumming around 1) frees a mind to consider negative thoughts and 2) may lead to depression and/or boredom (psychic entropy).

The trick, then, is to keep busy doing enjoyable activities—something you feel you want to do, not have to do.

Try a few of these:

~Pick-up or return to a hobby: If you have a choice between watching the fifteenth rerun of a Seinfeld episode or taking up woodworking, try woodworking. If you already have a hobby but haven’t done it in awhile, dust off your skills and get busy.

~Reconnect with friends: Spend time socializing with some good friends. Meet at a local eatery and spend a couple of hours catching up.

~Play a board game with your kids: Instead of driving all over town in a mad dash to fill your children’s lives with every conceivable pastime, spend the evening playing a board game. My wife and I recently bought the board game Clue®. We’ve had a wonderfully fun time of connecting with the kids.

~Volunteer for a favorite cause: How much joy would you bring into another person’s life (and your own) if you spent a couple hours of time giving of your energy and effort to bring ease and comfort to someone else? I have volunteered hundreds of hours to special causes over the years, and it feels great. Pick your favorite cause and show up. They’ll put you to work!

~Read a book: Any book. Csikszentmihalyi has studied the difference in how people feel while watching television and while reading a book[1]. Books bring far more pleasure than watching the television. Pick a favorite author or a book you’ve heard a friend mention lately.

Filling your life with enjoyable activity is going to bring a new dimension to your life. If you feel the doldrums settling in, “get out and blow the stink off,” as my sister says.

Live Large!

Sources:
1. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper Perennial. New York.
2. Fordyce, M. The psychology of happiness: A brief version of the fourteen fundamentals. Cypress Lake Media.

Photo by: flik

Have you ever been in a bad mood and have someone try to make you laugh? I’m sure that you know, as I do, that you can’t be in a bad mood if you’re laughing.

Not only can laughter erase a bad mood but it also has a slew of other benefits. The University of Maryland Medical Center discovered that laughter can help:
• Reduce stress
• Lower blood pressure
• Elevate mood
• Boost the immune system
• Improve brain functioning, and
• Protect the heart [1]

In essence, any potential damage that can be caused by stress, depression, anger, or anxiety can be undone by laughter.

“The Doctor says, ‘You’ll live to be 60!’ ‘I AM 60!’ ‘See, what did I tell you?’”
—Henny Youngman

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
—Steven Wright

How many times do you laugh in a day? I mean really laugh…the laugh-from-the-belly-until-your-eyes-water-up kind of laugh.

Here are some suggestions for helping you experience a good laugh:

~Rent a movie that you know will make you laugh: It doesn’t have to be appropriate (as long as you’re watching it with others who share your sense of humor). My wife and I bust a gut while watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. This is a totally inappropriate movie (not for children), but Laurel and I often come close to peeing our pants while watching it.

~Buy your favorite comedian’s newest CD.

~Hang out with friends who make you chuckle.

~Read a funny book: If you don’t know which authors might be humorous, ask friends or the helpful clerk at Barnes and Nobel.

Better yet, how can you build a life around laughter? Try some of these ideas:

~Work on your sense of humor: You may not be the type that causes raucous laughter at the water cooler, but everyone can look for the humor in every situation. Those with good senses of humor look for what’s funny in the moment. Just be sure not to laugh at someone but with them.

~Lighten up: Being so serious can actually cause a heart attack (eventually). If you want to be happy and have a shot of living a long, healthy life, let the annoyances of life go. As the old adage goes, “Will this matter in a hundred years?” Learn to laugh at life’s vagaries.

~Be mischievous (to a point): Be quirky. Make stupid jokes. Play harmless pranks that make everyone (including the target of the joke) laugh.

~Seek out laughter: If you see people having a good time, join them.

~Make it a goal to belly laugh five times a day. If you haven’t almost wet your pants from laughter today, seek out an opportunity to do so. The search is well worth the effort!

Laugh to live, and live large!

Reference: www.helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm

Photo by: craigallyn